R.I.P.

I will always remember you, grandpa. 

You will forever live in our hearts... 

Loss hurts...

That's me again...

I feel really bad now and I want to write why exactly I haven't left for Kiev.

My grandfather was very ill last time and we couldn't leave him and my grandmother alone here.

So we've stayed and tried to help. We've tried everything... medicine, doctors, hospital... etc.

But... 

Nothing has helped. Today he was taken to the hospital and my parents went with him there. I was out that time. My mother called me and told that they were in the hospital. I hoped every second that everything would be alright. I've prayed every night for a miracle....

 

then my father came back home in the evening and told that... it's over.  

I've been crying for a pretty long time... and now it's still so.

I just need support now.. 'cause it's too hard for me.. :'(

P.S. And I wish also one person forgives me... If you are reading this, please, forgive me.. I don't want you to be angry with me now.. It hurts too much now... 

No Kiev..... :\

I stayed at home because of some problems... 

For more information ask me on fb, icq or somewhere else....

Leaving tomorrow...

Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to Kiev. This trip will be not very long - I'll be at home on Saturday, I think. 

And I promise that there will be many photos and a great report about this iso ja kaunis kaupunki! ;) 

Still I'll be online  in the evening, maybe not every but still I'll check blog every day ;)

So stay tuned! :)

Cathy

Heavy clouds, cold wind's blowing
Do you still hear my calling?
Could you feel me now?
Heart will forever howl

Soul should fly high

But tears still fall - why I?

Just tell why should I cry?

Not a rainfall, but silent call

My heart you once stole

I remember that fantastic night

When I saw that from darkness goes light

Soul could fly high

But tears asking "why I"?

Just tell why should my heart die?

No true feeling - all is a lie

No heart to love - it should die

No happy laughter in me only silent cry

I'll do everything for you because you made me fly

You showed me my heaven within

Because beauty lives deep in 

You revealed who I am indeed

Heart's pain would be so sweet

You whispered, you kissed, you killed

You enlightened the path and revealed

To me this deep purity

The unreal reality

One touch makes me see

Deep love's cruelty

Soul should fly high

In the clear blue sky

Heart would never cry

(Poet's love will never die) x2

News... :)

HI :) 

I haven't written here about the last good news of me! Oo 

Finally I've got that I'm a student of Zaporizhian National Technical University and I'm happy, really happy about this because all that nervous stuff left behind and I can be calm and get fun until September comes. 

In some days I'll get to know if I go to Kiev (and I hope very much that I will) because I have never been there and I want to visit this wonderful city very much! 

Hope that everything will be great! 

And something about today... 

Once I saw a very beautiful toy owl in the shop and this thought hadn't left me until this day... 

Today I finally got it! ^__^

My Only Wish

Hidden tears, fleeting sadness

Secret fears, inner weakness

Took me to make forever yours

Silence with you worth more than words

But nothing could hurt more

As the pain you had before

Should I tell you this?

That I long for you

That the only dream is your kiss

And heart beats for you

That your glance is my ever bliss

I believe one day you'll read

And could understand that I feel it

The deepest love, secret longing

Pure heart full of eternal hoping

Try to see it in my blue eyes

Find there only truth, no lies

Should I tell you this?

That I'm dying without you

Every night is full of seducing dreams

Deep wishes lying on you

Love is stronger than all heart ever feels

Your heart is too pure to be broken 

Words are too loud to be spoken

Still my peace lies in dead silence

Virgin soul is made not for dark violence

Believe these sad true words

And take my heart, it's yours...

 

Pain

Pain took the last silent cry
Taking me over
Pain that makes sweet even a lie
You want me only more
No cure, no remedy, and your dreams are high

This is the last eternal flight

Could you find a hideaway?

One more liar will die tonight
No chance to go or just stay

Pain took the last silent cry 

Taking me over
Pain that makes sweet even a lie
You want me more
No cure, no way to escape, dreams left high

Words turned into a poison
And death's breathing is so near
Healing touch that lies on
Still could save a heart of dear

Pain taking lives
Pain cutting lies
Pain ripping eyes

Pain took the last silent cry
Taking me over
Pain that makes sweet even a lie
You want me more
No way, no chance, no life

Cure is invisible for a sinner

Search is eternal death
Soul feels unending fever
Life ends with one deep breath

Pain killing dreams
Pain making sins
Pain never heals

Pain took the last silent cry
Taking me over
Pain that makes sweet even a lie
You want me more
No cure, no chance, no teary "why?"

Pain took every pure life..

White Dream

Against all fears I stand
Forlorn and alone
Fighting for Holy Land
Hoping my hope isn't gone
Healing touch of angel's hand
Eased pain caused by a sharp thorn

Pure tears took my agony
Your kiss awakened white memory
Untold words are a sweet dream of me

The light is just a sparkle in the eye
Pain can't be eternal
Still sweet dreams they live high
Longing for your ever call
Night took deep passionate sigh
Last secret left untold

Pure tears took my agony
Your kiss awakened white memory
Untold words are a sweet dream of me

Leaving, dreaming, forgiving
My soul lives in your memory
Pale light still dwells in thee

Heartache once gone
revealed to me this reality
Tell me if I am alone
This dream will give you call of sanity

Pure tears took my agony
Your kiss awakened white memory
Untold words are a sweet dream of me

last cry killed dumb silence
Fading howling flew through the night
Purity of soul, childish innocence
Would never be gone with the last sight
Saving your heart, secret sense
Falling star gives us this flight

Pure tears took my agony
Your kiss awakened white memory
Untold words are a sweet dream of me

Pure tears took my agony
Your kiss awakened white memory
Untold words are a sweet dream of me

Falling Into A Reverie

Fresh wind after cold rain

Whispered silently to me

Moving all worries, deep pain

It awakened my memory

Now I know those tears weren't in vain

Stars sing above your head

Wind touches seducing skin

Secret wish isn't killed, isn't dead

Again falling into a reverie

I've remembered all I once had

Memories, they live in me

So deep within

Come to me wherever you could be

Whose touch heals broken heart

Those kind and sad eyes could see

What's missing, what's left apart

Just don't turn into a fantasy

Stars sing above your head

Wind touches seducing skin

Secret wish isn't killed, isn't dead

Again falling into a reverie

I've remembered all I once had

Memories, they live in me

So deep within

Kill my deepest thrill

Tame me, take me

Make me do your will

Reveal to me your memory

Your breath let me feel

Stars sing above your head

Wind touches seducing skin

Secret wish isn't killed, isn't dead

Again falling into a reverie

I've remembered all I once had

Memories, they live in me

So deep within

Deep within my heart still beats

Blood runs through your veins

Prayer helps us to fight old defeats

Go through all storms and pains

Will you believe me

If I kiss you now?

Will you then see

Sad tears, just how?

Kill my last fear

Stars sing above your head

Wind touches seducing skin

Secret wish isn't killed, isn't dead

Again falling into a reverie

I've remembered all I once had

Memories, they live in me

So deep within

Immortality

Screams all around
Bloody rains cover dead ground
No chance to be saved
No way to escape

Dark death is the only way

Chaos around, the apocalypse
Beg for saving without any sense
One more terrible cry
Is just another dead try

Now there left no way

Still if you hear sepulchral toll of bell
Then accept dead greetings - welcome to Hell

Hear my silent word
Keep this angel's song
Hear my voice, take my hand
Open your eyes, you'll see another land

I never let you die

Blood rivers became a fountain of wine
Screams of pain turned into silent prayer of time

Never I let you die 'cause you're an angel of mine

Dark world left behind
Deep in that evil mind

Saving your pure life till my last day comes

Still if you hear sepulchral toll of bell
Then accept dead greetings - welcome to Hell

Tell me what you see in this sky
Fire, blood rains, bright starfalls
Stay by my side and never look behind
The only you should do it's join us

Angels save us forever
Enlighten our way killing dark anger

Believe, while you're with me
I'll save your life without a shade of fear
My deepest feeling lives within

My last day is you eternal immortality
My fall will become your holy birth

Sweet immortality
Keep this memory
Be my ever fantasy
Dreamless reality

My last day is your eternal immortality
My fall will become your holy birth

My blood is running through your veins
Giving so precious life of yours
Praying look kills all my secret pains
Hopeful light of your eyes still burns

My last day is your eternal immortality
My fall will become your holy birth

My last day is your eternal immortality
My fall will become your holy birth

Last day is immortality
Fall is eternity
End is only the beginning
Your immortality ....

My last day is your eternal immortality
My fall will become your holy birth

My last day is your eternal immortality
My fall will become your holy birth

Your immortality!

Uni & clothes :)

Today I went to the university again to get something about my entering. So I've understood one thing - this week is going to be veery hard...again (!!) 

Also I've bought new leggings today ;) 

It's still very hot outside and the most beautiful and the greatest thing for me now is air-conditioner :) 

Last days I spent reading book and listening to the new Tarja's songs. The most favourite is that instrumental track... very beautiful music! 

Hope to hear from you your reaction soon ;) 

C

Not For Us

Dream about eternity died with yesterday
Fear and lust
Faith in innocent love faded away
Illusion die fast
Secret hope leads blind heart astray

Foolish words, was I right?
Love is blind
Unreal tears I couldn't hide
Voices in my mind
Whispered: "Keep your holy fight"
Bloodred path lies behind
And hellish cry through the night -
Love is blind

Why are you living?
For now it's the main question
What should I believe in?
Last cry is sinking in the ocean
Our souls pray for forgiving

Foolish words, was I right?
Love is blind
Unreal tears I couldn't hide
Voices in my mind
Whispered: "Keep your holy fight"
Bloodred path lies behind
And hellish cry through the night -
Love is blind

Truth hides beneath
Pure angel's wings
Like passion burns within
Love, all the secret dreams
Reveal your deepest feeling

Foolish words, was I right?
Love is blind
Unreal tears I couldn't hide
Voices in my mind
Whispered: "Keep your holy fight"
Bloodred path lies behind
And hellish cry through the night -
Love is blind

Love is blind, truth is nonsense
I need you, not anyone else

Hear the melody of life, of truth
It's my heart still beating for you

Foolish words, was I right?
Love is blind
Unreal tears I couldn't hide
Voices in my mind
Whispered: "Keep your holy fight"
Bloodred path lies behind
And hellish cry through the night -
Love is blind

Foolish words
Soul burns
Heart still hurts

Tear falls
Voice calls
Bell tolls

...but not for us

My new style :)

 Today I was at the hairdresser's and got a new 'style' :D

So ... check it out and tell me if it's good or bed ;)

C

My angel tonight

Sitting near the fire reminds me
Of starlit night,
Whispers of stars we used to hear
Last gone day light
Those rays we used to see

But red flash is gone
It's gone, gone, gone

Running for this lifetime
Never try to look behind
Don't follow that lies under the line
Just be my angel tonight
Live this day like the last one
Catch the moment being almost gone
Tell me would you be my angel tonight?

Discover your deepest fear
This night is for us
Tell me your story being near
White moon shines for us
Tonight the stars dry last tear

Still red flash is gone
And your heart isn't alone

Running for this lifetime
Never try to look behind
Don't follow that lies under the line
Just be my angel tonight
Live this day like the last one
Catch the moment being almost gone
Tell me would you be my angel tonight?

Run with the wind, fly in the sky
And take all from this life
'cause there won't be one more try

Running for this lifetime
Never try to look behind
Don't follow that lies under the line
Just be my angel tonight
Live this day like the last one
Catch the moment being almost gone
You're my angel tonight!

My angel tonight....

Running for this lifetime
Never try to look behind
Don't follow that lies under the line
Just be my angel tonight
Live this day like the last one
Catch the moment being almost gone
You're my angel tonight!

Be my angel tonight!
Be my angel tonight!
Be my angel tonight!

Tell or Whisper

From the dream to reality
Another calls oblivion
We used to call it mortality
Still truth lies deep within
Fears draw in dark abnormality

Look in blue eyes and tell
What do you see there?

Whispering deep dreaming
You used to have once
That nightmare gave a weird feeling
Like that last dance
Eternal calling changed everything

Look in blue eyes and tell
What do you see there?

Do you see any silver tear?
Eternal silent pain of ages
Are you afraid of my fear?
Feel this longing through the pages
Of my own life and hear
My cry behind all those stages
I need you to be near

The one could change my memory
Being a chance or a dream
Follow my shadow and find the destiny
You know truth lies within
Moon will lead you just look for me

Look in my eyes and tell
What do you see there?

Do you see any silver tear?
Eternal silent pain of ages
Are you afraid of my fear?
Feel this longing through the pages
Of my own life and hear
My cry behind all those stages
I need you to be near

Come close and reveal
Be the one, just heal
Angel, just be real

Look in my eyes and whisper
My name like a spell

Make my nightmare just a tear
Flick away pain of old days
Kill that my deepest fear
Overcome all the bars of forgotten ways
Last word like the sharpest spear
Whisper to those dying rays
I beg you to stay here

Dive into white emptiness
Seek and find
Sleep being dreamless
It drew behind
That cruel loneliness

Look in my eyes and whisper
My name like a spell...

Take me through reality
Until last second is gone
Emerge like pure memory
Still final moment isn't gone
Your soul lives inside of me

Look in my eyes and whisper
my name...